DO NOT DRINK TONIGHT! There is nothing about tonight worth drinking for, don't give in to peer pressure, do not think you'll go out with a bang, do not pretend you haven't been here on New Years Eve several times already hoping this will be your year. Pick up some car keys and cram as many people in your car as possible and be the designated driver. The more people you risk pissing off if you get drunk and can't drive the better. Do two runs and double the number of people reliant on you, put a kid in the car, one you care about and don't want to drive drunk with. Do ANYTHING not to drink tonight.
This time last year guess who was struggling with the voice? Guess who struggled all day going back and forth with cravings Last N.Y. Eve post I called the post 'A bad case of the tomorrow's' and how prophetic that proved to be. I cannot say enough to convince you that it will not be the right thing to do if you have ANY days sober in a row. Some if you will still be drinking and have been planning this as your last hurrah, that's ok because you have been building up to it, I get it I really do. BUT......if you are 1day, 2 days, 10 days, 65 days sober, even 100+ days sober please do not give in, I beg you.
I WANT THIS AS MUCH FOR YOU AS YOU DO, more maybe. I care about all of you because I have been there crying, tired, lonely, disappointed, frustrated, bitter, resentful, regretful, puking, shaking, shivering, head pounding, ashamed, ASHAMED, exhausted, pathetic and depressed. I am occasionally one or two of those things now but never all of them together. That is what day after day, week after week was like for me and I no longer feel like that anymore. I don't want you to feel like that anymore because we are all so much more than this bitch of reliance on alcohol. We can really seize the moment of opportunity and make a different choice to get to a new day just by saying "No I won't give in today, maybe I will tomorrow but not today" and then say the same thing tomorrow.
I drank last New Years Eve, dear, kind SoberMummy tried to reach out and stop me but even her magically soothing voice wasn't enough to stop the runaway train of my thoughts. You can read how I felt on New Years Day 2016 Here which I titled 'Unhappy New Year'
I am not your mom, your boss, your conscience but I am someone who tried 37 million times to quit until finally it seemed to stick. I want you not to feel bad tomorrow and to start 2017 clear headed and ready to keep moving forward. If you do end up drinking I won't be mad, sad or disappointed in you because I came back to my blog so many times saying Day 1 AGAIN! and I know that bottomless feeling in my tummy.
SoberMummy said something to me in her follow up comment on New Years Day "remember that drinking today is only borrowing tomorrow's happiness" which excellently sums it all up perfectly.